


Dream again of dying

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cisco Ramon Needs A Hug, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Memory Related, Minor Eobard Thawne | Harrison Wells, No Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, dont worry this is gen i wont ruin my theme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 03:10:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: The aftermath of his first death by Eobard Thawne has left Cisco on edge and his nightmares more vivid than ever before, twisting his thoughts and his forcing him to lose trust in his friends over something so silly as recurring nightmares, ones where they all give a similar speech and kill him exactly like Thawne did.And in his desperate moments of weakness and need, Cisco runs away and into the arms of the only person he knows he can fully trust and who will love him unconditionally, regardless of his fears.And Cynthia will be damned if she ever lets anyone hurt her love again.





	Dream again of dying

**Author's Note:**

> I love Cindy and I love Cisco and the only thing I love more is them together, so I wrote some. Also, I think Cisco's whole 'death thing' would have fucked him up more than the show portrays, so I thought I would write that too. Trauma and protective girlfriends, yay! Let me know what you think x

It started with Barry and a vibrating hand, a determined approach and the _phrase I’m sorry I have to do this but it's the only way to keep my secret safe. You've always been my best friend, Cisco_. And Cisco remembered the feeling of his heart being ripped to shreds.   
  
Then, a few nights later, it was Wally, his whole body vibrating as he raised his hand and backed Cisco into a corner. _I'm sorry man, you just can't be trusted. I'm so sorry I have to do this, you're like a brother to me.  
_  
Later it was Jesse looking sad under her domino mask as she put her hand to his chest before she started vibrating it. _I'm sorry, I’m really sorry but I have to do this. I hope you can forgive me._ Her hand went through his chest like a warm knife through butter.  
  
Even Jay, who Cisco hadn't seen in ages, bowed his head and shredded his heart with the simple phrase _sorry sport, but that's just the way it has to be sometimes._  
  
Each night, Cisco sat up in bed with a gasp, sweat beading on his brow and the still-lasting feeling of a vibrating hand being shoved through his chest, crushing his heart as the bleeding edges of the vibe fade away.  
  
It throws him. Did that really happen in another timeline? Cisco had nightmares about Thawne killing him for months before he found out that it happened in the timeline that Barry erased. Did those things really happen and they ran back in time to reverse it? Did his friends really kill him, just like Doctor Wells?  
  
Despite Cisco's best effort, it didn't take long for people to start catching on. He didn't mean to, but he flinched around the speedsters, shied away when they came near and slid their arms against his. Hell, he even felt uneasy around Iris, who only had the Speed Force within her for a single day.  
  
In a desperate attempt to hide away from the panic and the memories of dying by the hands of his friends, Cisco found solace in productivity- replacing light bulbs, re-connecting old wiring, working on long abandoned projects long until the sun went down. He was tired, he could feel it in his bones, but he’s worried that if he slept he’ll dream again of dying.

He heard them talking, whispering in soft tones while he dug around in lab off to the side of the Cortex, their stream of words instantly coming to an abrupt halt the moment he turned around with the tool he was looking for, making a wide berth around them as he exited.

Caitlin moved to follow him, but Barry’s hand on her arm stopped her, and Cisco was grateful. He didn’t really feel like talking.

The workshop was too quiet, his head deep in a shelf as he tried to reach something at the very back that he could only just scrape his fingertips against, so he didn’t hear Barry walk in until he called his name. Cisco spun around with a yelp, toppling over the shelf along with all the contents inside it and turned to Barry with his hands raised out before him. He wasn’t sure if it was in order to calm Barry or getting ready to fight.

“Whoa man, you alright?” Barry made a slow circle around Cisco to get away from the wreckage, frowning as Cisco followed him with his eyes and never lowered his hands. “What’s up with you lately?”

Cisco doesn’t speak, can’t find any air in his lungs to make a plea for his life or a shout for help because he wasn’t in his workroom with a red-clad Barry but down below S.T.A.R Labs with a suddenly _walking_ Doctor Wells. He raised his hand and Cisco could hear the buzzing in his ears his words echoing in his mind, _you were like a son to me_ and _to me you have been dead for centuries_ and _I have grown quite fond of you._

He could feel his own breathing speed up and his body react- his skin was feverish and clammy, his muscles strung so tightly he feared they might snap. But then he blinked back into existence and there was a hand coming towards him with a startling urgency, aiming for his shoulder and Cisco knew that it was just Barry trying to be reassuring but he _panicked_ , backing away and into another cabinet before turning around and throwing a breach behind him, heedless of Barry’s shouting.

The breach opened and he had no idea where he targeted it to. All he could think about was _home_ and _safe_ and _warm_.

Though he was surprised, Cisco knew he shouldn’t be when the breach closed behind him and he opened his eyes to see Cindy’s front door, a door he knows well. Tentatively, he reached up and lifted the bronze hanger and hoped to god she was home.

As Cynthia opened the door, Cisco let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and looked down like a puppy who’d just been kicked. “Cisco? What are you doing here? Are you alright?”

Reluctantly, Cisco looked up to meet her eyes and Cindy gasped, eyes softening. He knew what he must look like- pale, wide-eyed, sweaty, scared, shaking, but he didn’t care because Cynthia reached out a hand to stroke gently down his face and he asked in a soft voice that he hope doesn’t quiver too much, “Can I come in?”

She moved aside, opening the door wider, and Cisco entered into the familiar space and aimlessly wandered to the bedroom that he’d spent so much time in. The bed was unmade, there was a spare uniform hanging up in the closet, a picture of them both smiling was famed and on her bedside table- Cisco had his lips to her cheek and she was looking at the camera with smile-squinted eyes.

There was a gentle hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Cindy, smiling kindly at him. “Cisco, you’re having a panic attack. You need to calm down, ok? Breathe with me.” Slowly, Cisco followed her breathing and his mind began to clear as he became increasingly aware that he’d just run away from his own Earth because of a nightmare. “That’s better. Sit down on the bed- what happened?”

Cisco immediately flopped down on the bed, his hair spread out like a halo behind him on the light grey sheets, and closed his eyes. “It’s a long story.” He whispered.

Cindy chuckled and Cisco cracked an eye open to see her walk into the bathroom, clothes being dropped unceremoniously onto the floor and over the ajar door. When she came back out, she was wearing the nightclothes he knew she preferred whenever he stayed over- oversize t-shirt, light shorts. She climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up over herself. “I have time.” Carefully, with her encouragement, Cisco climbed in beside her.

Taking a deep breath, Cisco folded his hand under his cheek and watched Cindy get comfortable. “Do you remember what I told you about Doctor Wells?”

“How much he meant to you?” Cindy asked, brow furrowing. “What about him?”

Cisco really didn’t want to remember any more. “He wasn’t really Doctor Wells. His name was Eobard Thawne, and he came to this time from the future to kill Barry’s mother. He killed the real Doctor Wells and wore his face for years, pretending to be him.” When he paused, Cindy encouraged him with a soft hand on his arm. “He was in a wheelchair for the whole time I met him, from a car crash that he’d created to kill the original Wells, and I went to work with him.”

“And you’ve been thinking about him again?” Cindy tilted her head and kicked her slippers off her feet and onto the floor from the side of her bed, Cisco doing the same. “Remembering what happened to him?” She didn’t seem at all surprised by the whole ‘came-from-the-future-and-stole-a-dead-guys-face’ explanation, which Cisco was glad for.

“He didn’t really need the wheelchair because he was a speedster.” Cindy frowned and Cisco focused his eyes on the swirling patterns of her hair on the pillow. “He was the one who killed Barry’s mother and when I found that out, he came up to me, made a very… impactful speech, then shoved a vibrating hand through my chest.” His voice went quieter towards the end of his sentence but he was proud of himself to not stopping entirely.

“He killed you,” Cindy said and there were sympathy and anger in her voice.

“He killed me.” He didn’t want to, but Cisco had to agree. “And after he killed me, Barry erased that timeline. I was alive and couldn’t remember anything about Thawne. But I had nightmares about him killing me for weeks, and I didn’t know it was because I was a meta, but we found out that it _really happened_.”

Cindy already seemed to know where this was going because her eyes were sympathetic and her face was open. “Oh, Cisco.” She whispered, stroking her fingers through his hair.

“And it was fine for a while, you know? He died and our lives when back to normal. But lately, I’ve been having more nightmares…” Cisco choked on his sobs. “About Barry and Wally and Jesse and Jay killing me the same way Thawne did, and I don’t mean to but I don’t know if I can be around them anymore.”

“Because you think it might have happened in another timeline.” Cindy didn’t need to guess- she knew Cisco well enough to understand how he thought, how his hyperactive imagination often got the better of him, “The same way it happened with Wells. Because now you’re scared to be near them in case they decide they don’t want you around anymore and they kill you to get rid of you.”

Cisco could hardly bring himself to nod, only realizing he was crying when Cynthia ran her fingers under his eyes to wipe away the tears. “I don’t know if I can go back. At least… not for a while. It’s stupid but…”

“No, no.” Cindy placed a kiss on Cisco’s forehead and he fell silent. “It’s not stupid. Stay here as long as you need. Now sleep, you look tired. Don’t worry, nobody is going to lay a finger on you while I’m here.”

Smiling, Cisco fell asleep and drifted off to the first dreamless sleep in a very long time, safe in Cindy’s arms because he believed that she really wouldn’t let anyone hurt him.

It wasn’t necessarily hard to find where Cisco had gone, after searching his apartment and all his favourite hangout spots and scanning Central City for any kind of phone record, vibrational signature or facial rec. It was Wally who’d come up with the idea, after running his hands roughly over his hair. He paused and spun around with a speed that made the papers blow slightly off the desk and hissed in victory, “ _Cynthia_.”

Opening the breach was the hard part, the speedsters running in circles until a breach opened up but they had no idea where it would lead, just hoped that while Barry held Cisco’s favourite shirt that it would take them right to him. They dimly cursed Cisco for not yet finding time to fix his little breaching do-dads. Caitlin and Wally came with him, and he didn’t have the energy to tell them to stay.

He almost missed it, almost ran right past her front door, but he could feel Cisco’s vibration inside, fainter than a speedster but a vibration Barry knew almost as well as his own heartbeat, and knocked on the door.

Cynthia opened it, wearing a loose pale yellow shirt and a pair of soft black shorts. Her hair was a tangled black mass obscuring her eyes but Barry could feel the piercing glare shot at him through it. “What did you do to him?” She demanded and Barry took a step back.

“Do to him? We’ve done nothing!” Barry objected, hands up. “What are you talking about? Is he ok?”

Barry knew that he was in trouble when Cindy walked outside the room and closed the door behind her. “What are you doing here?”

“We're here to see Cisco.” Wally cut in from behind Barry. “Can we?”

Cindy’s voice was cold and stern. “No. He doesn’t want to see you yet.”

“Cynthia, Cisco’s our friend and we care about him just as much as you do,” Caitlin said gently, trying to mediate. “If you won’t let us see him, could you at least tell us what happened and if he’s alright?”

It was no secret that Cindy liked Caitlin and that was partly the reason why she decided to come. “He’s been having nightmares that he’s convinced are real.” She levelled them all with a stare. “You remember Thawne killing him?” They nodded. “Now replace Thawne with you and you’ve got everything you need. Now _leave_.”

Barry put his arm out and wrapped his fingers around her arm, stopping her as she turned towards the door again. She turned back slowly, eyes full of fury and Barry dropped his arm back to his side before she killed him. “You know you’re not making any sense, right? Just let us see him and make sure he’s ok and then we’ll be on our way.”

In the moment of silence that followed, Cynthia levelled them with a cold, calculating glare through narrowed eyes as if looking into the very recesses of the deepest parts of their souls. “If I let you in, you need to answer a question, and answer it truthfully, or I’ll breach you all straight to Earth 28.” Not knowing what lived on Earth 28, the trio nodded their heads, suspicious and confused but willing to go along with the request if it meant getting through that door. “Have you ever wanted Cisco dead?”

The question caught them off guard and they each floundered for an answer that was of equal severity to the look they were receiving from the woman barring their way. “Of course not!” Caitlin eventually declared, eyes widening and mouth opening in shock. “We love Cisco; we’d never want to hurt him let alone kill him!”

“I wasn’t asking you,” Cynthia turned her gaze to Wally and Barry, startled and fidgeting slightly on the spot, feet shuffling on the welcome mat. “I was asking you two.”

“No,” Wally said firmly, gritting his teeth in defiance. “No, Cisco’s the best. Why would we want to hurt him? We’ve come here to take him home so we can look after him because it’s obvious something’s wrong.” Barry nodded his agreement with pursed lips once Cynthia turned to him.

Reluctantly, Cynthia opened the door behind her with a scowl and a muttered curse under her breath and the trio of Cisco’s closest friends were finally allowed entry to the dark interior of the humble home.

The room was dark with no light but the muted TV flashing images on the opposite wall and a light that had been left on in the bathroom shining dull light into the hallway. Cindy didn’t give them any time to wander, leading them straight to the bedroom and slowly opened the door before disappearing inside, leaving the trio forced to follow. She was sitting on the corner of the bed when they made their way inside the room and Caitlin walked over to the bedside table to gently put the lamp on its lowest setting.

Cynthia was running her hands gently through Cisco’s messy dark hair wish such a profound tenderness that they suddenly felt a swell of pride that he was being loved so deeply. His face was buried in the pillows and the covers were tangled around his body like vines, one arm thrown over to the place Cindy must have been sleeping before she had been forced to extract herself from the comfortable warmth of her own bed and her companion beside her to answer the door. She was looking at Cisco with a small smile filled with love but when she turned her head to look at the three unwelcomed visitors, her eyes hardened and her lips pressed into a line. “See? He’s safe. What more do you want?”

“We want to take him home,” Barry said, reaching out his hands, but he was stopped by Cindy’s arm whipping out and barring his way. “Why is he here? Why won’t you let us bring him back?”

“Because he’s _afraid of you_ ,” Cynthia hissed, voice low and a fire burning brightly in her eyes. “Because he was murdered in cold blood by a man he trusted, a man with super speed just like yours and not a single one of you stopped to consider the impact such an event might have had?” She stood up from the bed, fist’s clenched in defiance at her side. “He is forced to be around you every day despite being murdered by one of your kind and you haven’t even noticed how shaky he gets? How lost? He is convinced that he has been murdered by a speedster again, by his _friends_ , and they reversed that timeline. Did you know that? Of course, you didn’t.”

Caitlin put a hand up to cover her mouth and Wally ran shaky hands through his hair. Barry just shook his head and stuck his hands in his pockets, eyes firmly fixed on Cisco. “I’m not saying this to hurt you,” Cynthia continued, softer now, but stood before the bed with her arms crossed. “I just need you to know why he’s here and why I can’t let you take him yet. He isn’t well- he needs to rest. When he comes back, and he _will_ come back, he’ll tell you everything that happened and he won’t leave again without you knowing why.”

It was Wally who finally spoke up, swallowing down the thick lump in his throat. “You’ll take care of him?” He asked, eyes wide and vulnerable with childish fear.

“With my last breath,” Cynthia nodded, a hand over her heart to portray her seriousness. It was well known that she would never tarnish her honour. “I will return him to you in once peace. I promise.”

Trembling and with tears spilling down her cheeks, Caitlin leant over the side of the bed, pushed her hair away, and placed a feather-light kiss on Cisco’s cheek. He didn’t stir. “Bye Cisco.” She whispered as she pulled back up. “I’ll see you soon.” Barry took one last look at the room before turning and escorting the others out the door.

Once Cynthia had opened a breach to send the trio home, she returned to her place at Cisco’s side and ran her finger over the frozen tear-drop on his cheek. “Don’t worry, my dear.” Cindy carefully climbed back under the covers and Cisco’s arm automatically went up and over her to hold her close to him. She smiled and buried her face in his hair. “No one will hurt you while I’m at your back.”

That night, Cisco dreamed not of lethal speedsters and vibrations against his heart, but of love and joy and tranquillity and the dangerous woman he loved most.


End file.
